Dig in to your experience, what you’re interested in and passionate about, and be generous with that. Your job is to establish rapport and common ground, not swing your big …brain.
And remember: you’re not just trying to time to meet up. Are they genuinely into you, or just responding to the attention? It’s also important not to misrepresent yourself for if (and when) you meet up with someone.
Getting past the pleasantries and straight into a real exchange is the best way to figure out if they’re interested and you should be interested. As Jack Donaghy once told Liz Lemon: Be open, confident, and positive.
I don’t want to insult our readership with this, but for the troglodytes who somehow found their way to Primer: Aziz Ansari uses the perfect app pickup line: “Going to Whole Foods. ”It’s unexpected, overtly nurturing, and signals an upper middle class socioeconomic status. By targeting everyone generally you’re targeting no one.
Internal testing at Primer indicates the personal touch works.
If you’re the kind of guy who does this, stop reading this article, get off the apps, and seek help.
For most guys, however, it means just a few commonsense best practices. Flirt, but keep it G or PG until you’re face to face.
So how do you make her feel safe in the messaging phase?
Anything that even hints of sexual expectation, misogyny, or pressure of any kind is a red flag.
Using our travel example, mention the last place you went and why it was unexpected or amazing. If you struggle with humor, shyness, or generally aren’t likeable here are some ideas: This tip comes from the world of improv rule and boils down to: be 100% positive, keep the conversation moving, don’t argue.
If your response is, “I’m kinda boring,” consider this: Everyone – – is interesting. You might think it’s cute or show off your intelligence to get into a disagreement, but that comes with big risks.
What money can’t buy: the tool kit to write solid messages, get quality conversations going, and get dates. This is the most challenging aspect of the entire messaging game. You simply don’t have the time to start the conversation at “hello.” You need to dive right into the second act so you can decide whether to ask them out before they disappear.