He may have been taught to or encouraged to toughen up by his father.He may have experienced trauma that he bottled up over a lifetime, which can make being vulnerable again a challenge.
When something happens that you believe should have a significant emotional reaction (his dog died, his brother ran over his foot with the car, his roommate drank his beer), prod him gently for a reaction.
He can (and likely will) defer the question, but at least you’re making an effort to engage in dialogue about his feelings.
My point is: you don’t know why these emotionally unavailable men are the way they are.
The best you can do is to look for signs that the man you’re in a relationship with or just starting to date may be one more on your long list of emotionally unavailable men.
He might be angry about a recent relationship (that’s understandable), but if he talks the same about one that was years ago, you have to wonder why he’s holding on to that resentment.
How to Address This: A man who is emotionally secure can talk about past relationships in a constructive way.
So what can you do when every relationship you’re in seems to dead end emotionally? So many women like you have thrown their hands up when they were unable to change a man who just couldn’t open up to them the way they wanted. Don’t we live in a society where men are now encouraged to express their feelings?
But here’s a common scenario: these women (and maybe you too) assume that the man will come around, that when he falls in love with them, he will then become emotionally vulnerable. While yes, it’s now more acceptable for men to be emotional or vulnerable, today’s man may not have been raised that way.
Make a point to match anything he says about himself with something about what’s going on with you.
If he doesn’t take the hint and start letting you in, it’s time to move on. Maybe you haven’t been dating long enough to know if he’s actually an emotionally unavailable man or not.
Does he clam up or get bitter talking about his exes?