How are you supposed to lasso that magical unicorn before it flies away?
One of the greatest causes for conflict in marriage are contradicting core values.
I’d describe core values as beliefs that are fundamental to how you are wired, guiding your actions, thoughts, plans, and purpose on this earth.
We all go through intense communication training for years; it’s called childhood.
() And it’s hard to un-wire 18 years of being shown how to talk and listen to others in family situations.
Is the person you’re dating like a magnet trying to bring the best of you to the surface?
Or are they trying to bury you under a pile of dirt?
Does this thought excite you or does it make you feel like you just digested a can of the before mentioned Play-Doh? And you need to have your own identity beyond your spouse. If you don’t want to become like the person you’re dating, should you be dating?
If you can just get your hair, abs, complexion, and clothes just right, then The One will scamper to you like a squirrel to a nut factory. Sure appearance might catch someone’s eye, but it’s personality, values, faith, heart, past, present, and future that’s going to make them stay.
Thankfully, my wife has been very supportive because she knew this was the way I was wired from the beginning and it aligns with her core beliefs, as she enjoys change and pursuing things off the beaten path.
Too many marriages start (and end) with vague and un-identified core values. Or are you constantly trying to hide who you are because they want you to be someone you’re not?
Authenticity forces me to intensely evaluate why I’m doing what I’m doing and strive to do work aligned with my beliefs.