Sexual submission, however, momentarily lifts that burden because in such a scenario or fantasy one is helpless and, therefore, can't be responsible.
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And third, the women with whom a man corresponds, and the sexual scripts he most highly prefers, can be selected for and are under the man's relative control.
If the other person doesn't "fit the bill" and doesn't want to play in the prescribed ways, that connection can be deleted and another, more appropriate, one is available to take its place.
In the course of growing up, to the extent that boys have to deny their identifications with and dependency on their mothers in order to separate and become "masculine," they end up cut off from their inner lives and averse to feelings of dependency. The safety of anonymous Internet relationships temporarily relieves the resulting suffering. Men still crave intimacy but fear that gratifying this craving will enmesh them in dependent relationships with women they can't satisfy or make happy and to whom they'll invariably surrender their autonomy and give more than they get.
Objectifying themselves and women temporarily solves this problem.
While these three dimensions of online sexual play can be appealing to women, too, they speak to particular anxieties and vulnerabilities in many men today.
For reasons having to do with their childrearing and with the social construction of masculinity, men tend to be emotionally disconnected from themselves and others.
For arousal to occur, those beliefs and feelings have to be momentarily negated or diminished.
That's exactly what our sexual fantasies and preferences do.
The second caveat is that understanding sexual behavior is not the same as condoning it.