Our brains are even flooded with the same neurochemical in both situations.We all have working models for relationships that were formed in our early attachments to influential caretakers.
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Acts of jealousy or possessiveness can hurt our partner, not to mention us.
Snooping through their text messages, calling every few minutes to see where they are, getting mad every time they look at another attractive person—these are all acts that we can avoid no matter how anxious it makes us, and in the end, we will feel much stronger and more trusting. Because we can only change our half of the dynamic, it’s always valuable to think about if there are any actions we take that push our partner away.
If we’re acting in a way we respect, and we still don’t feel like we’re getting what we want, we can make a conscious decision to talk about it with our partner or change the situation, but we never have to feel victimized or allow ourselves to act in ways that we don’t respect. Looking to our partner to reassure us when we feel insecure only leads to more insecurities.
Remember, these attitudes come from inside us, and unless we can overcome them within ourselves, it won’t matter how smart, sexy, worthy, or attractive our partner tells us we are.
Our insecurities can further stem from a “critical inner voice” that we’ve internalized based on negative programming from our past.
If we had a parent who hated themselves, for example, or who directed critical attitudes toward us, we tend to internalize this point of view and carry it with us like a cruel coach inside our heads.
Instead, each of us should work to maintain the unique aspects of ourselves that attracted us to each other in the first place, even as we move closer.
In this way, each of us can hold strong, knowing that we are a whole person in and of ourselves. Of course, this is easier said than done, but we all know our insecurities can precipitate some pretty destructive behavior.
” Then comes phase two— “It’s because I’m losing my looks. People with low self-esteem not only want their partner to see them in a better light than they see themselves, but in moments of self-doubt, they have trouble even recognizing their partner’s affirmations.